NOT a post about Writing…

or selling books…or a part of a new book.

Have you ever lost something and didn’t realize it until much later? I had a moment of realization on Wednesday.

I have lost the stars.

It wasn’t all at once, more of a gradual loss I think but I am having a hard time pin-pointing when and where I left them.

We visited New Hampshire on Monday, Tuesday last week and left waaaay too late in the day…trying to cram in all the ‘live free or die’ that we could before we had to leave.

On the way home as we crossed the Bourne Bridge onto the Cape I looked out of the car into the sky and saw stars! They were dim and fuzzy from lights on the ground and fume haze on the highway, possibly a low fog.

I realized then that I had not once looked up at the night sky while in the Granite State. Clear air, mountain sky…makes an amazing star field and I missed it. Never even looked. This is horribly unlike me. (To put it in perspective…we once set the alarm for 2AM in November to bundle up and lie in a field for an hour to watch the Leonid meteor shower…)

It hurt me to realize that while I have lived away from the mountains I have let my stars go. With floodlights and smog obscuring them, I have stopped looking up.

They are harder to see, but they are still there. I have let the difficulty of finding them wear me down. I let the troubles of this world bring my gaze down from the heavens. And I finally realized it.

I have been singing this all week now:

Take my love, take my land / Take me where I cannot stand / I don’t care, I’m still free / You can’t take the sky from me / Take me out to the black / Tell ’em I ain’t comin’ back / Burn the land and boil the sea / You can’t take the sky from me / There’s no place I can be / Since I found serenity / But you can’t take the sky from me!

It’s the theme from Joss Whedon’s Firefly. But it’s wrong…you CAN take the sky from me…but only if I LET you.

I have let my stars slip away.

I want ’em back now.

White Mountains, please take care of them until I can pick them up. Thanks!

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